The loss of a son is unimaginable, but losing your son to suicide is tragic.
The loss of a son is unimaginable, but losing your son to suicide is tragic.
“He was a falling star, and he burnt out,” says Gables Bagels owner Ed Schwartzman.
Gables Bagels is a popular local Bloomington breakfast spot. Right outside of campus, Gables has been providing quick and delicious breakfast options since fall of 2022. But, the spirit and personality of owner Ed Schwartzman, makes the Gables Bagels experience even better. Gables fans know Schwartzman’s face, name, and personality, but many are unaware of his tragic family experience.
On October 15, 2007, Schwartzman’s 19-year-old son committed suicide. After suffering from mental struggles throughout his entire adolescence, Ben took his own life, leaving his family in shambles.
Before his death, Ben was an aspiring musician. Ben would write and perform his own songs that were reflections of the struggles going on inside his head. Schwartzman, being the committed father that he was, took Ben to perform everywhere. From traveling the entirety of the Chicagoland area to find open mics, Schwartzman was truly moved by his son’s music, and was in awe of his talent. Schwartzman explained that he would encourage Ben to “lighten up a little bit,” but Ben was open to his father about his struggles, and explained that “it’s his music.” Schwartzman knew that this hobby was therapeutic for his son, and that if he kept allowing Ben to pursue his passion, then maybe one day “he will write a happy song.”
A Q & A with Ed Schwartzman discussing Ben’s life, and how they are working to keep his memory alive.
Ed Schwartzman expresses that Ben would perform songs with lyrics implying death. One of Schwartzman’s most notable performances was when Ben would sing “Can’t You See,” by the Marshall Tucker Band. The lyrics that stood out to him were, “Gonna climb a mountain, the highest mountain, I’ll jump off, nobody gonna know.” His favorite song that Ben has written is titled, “Let Me Go.” With lyrics including, “I am a falling star,” and “People are dying just to live. I am living just to die.” These foreshadowed lyrics to his death weigh heavy on Schwartzman’s heart.
A slideshow of Ben’s life in photos. The song that is playing is his own, titled “Let Me Go.”
After Ben’s death, Schwartzman was left with old MP3 recordings of Ben’s music. He explained that listening was just too “painful.”
It wasn’t until a local Bloomington movie producer, John Armstrong changed Ben’s music forever. Armstrong came into Schwartzman’s old place of work in 2020, to request catering service for a film that he was working on. Schwartzman explained that in exchange for the food, he would tell Armstrong Ben’s story, hopeful that Armstrong may be able to make use of his music in the final production of the movie.
Unfortunately, the music was unable to be used in the movie. Although, around a year and half later, Armstrong took Ben’s recordings to Airtime Studios in Bloomington. There, a music producer named David Weber, was able to remaster and re recorded Ben’s tracks. His album is now titled, “Falling Star.”
After he was finished, Armstrong gifted the tracks to Schwartzman, soon being able to release the music on streaming platforms like Spotify, iTunes, and YouTube. When gifting the songs to Schwartzman, Armstrong said that “the music has been weighing heavy on [his] heart.”
Ever since the music has been released, Schwartzman hasn’t stopped focusing on his “dream.” Schwartzman hopes to continue to share Ben’s music and story, wanting to catch the attention of people all over the word. He shares that instead of people coming up to him and asking, “how’s Ben,” like a father would experience, he finds himself being asked “how’s Ben’s Project.”
Schwartzman has tried multiple outlets to popularize Ben’s music. He’s been in touch with popular musicians and producers, hoping that they could at least give the music a listen. He even ran into a musical writer, where she explained to Schwartzman that Ben’s album could easily be turned into a musical; two actors portraying Ben and his sister Haley, telling the story of his struggles through his songs.
Schwartzman contacted every community theater company in the country he explained. He even pitched the idea to the IU Theatre Department, but still nothing has clicked.
Despite the constant rejection, Ed Schwartzman stays hopeful that one day the whole world will know Ben’s music. For now, the reassurance Schwartzman feels when sharing Ben’s music is enough; as a father, knowing Ed was talented was always clear, but hearing others feel the same is the best dream he could be living.